Zephyr
by PrincessDesire
Summary: Pretty short little story about Seifer seeking forgiveness a handful of years after the whole "incident." Entwines on the same timeline as Kinky. I may wrap them up together with a follow up chapter if people seem to like it.


Zephyr

By

PrincessDesire

SeiferxZell

"So, this is it huh? Squall man, they gave you one butt-ugly garden." If Zell had been anyone else talking to the hero, he would have put it more tactfully. It was an ugly building. All of its angles were harsh, there weren't many windows, and some walls had wires sticking out. It looks more like a factory than a school; a butt-ugly factory. "You don't think Cid is trying to tell you something?"

"I didn't want it to be fancy." Squall's eyes casually met Zell's. A pretty school would have bothered him. This was more his style: rough around the edges. "The men come tomorrow to hook up A/C and heaters. So, this is the main entrance, as you can tell."

The room was a giant square with high ceilings. The scratchy textured pillars seemed to be arranged in a way that pointed your attention to a cargo elevator. There were also three doors, one in each wall.

"I hope the dorms are more cozy." Zell hated it here already. It was a mean building.

Squall however, was surveying the room with approval. It already felt like home. "You'll see for yourself. That's where I'm sending you. Outside, we've got four vending machines, one for each dormitory level. I need them to be taken via that elevator and hooked up."

"And I'm supposed to lift them? Don't let the gorgeous muscles fool you, I'm not a superhero." Zell knew how much vending machines weighed because of his bad temper. He had assaulted quite a few over his lifetime.

Squall shook his head, causing his blue-dyed hair to shift side to side. "We have power lifters. I've read in your files that you are proficient in them."

"Sure," said Zell shrugging his shoulders. He didn't know if he liked the idea of Squall being able to access his private files. "They're not that complicated."

"That should keep you busy until I'm back from lunch." Just saying the word lunch had made his boy shiver from panicky excitement. "If not, then go ask the landscaping guys out front if you can help them with anything."

Zell didn't like working alone (or doing anything alone), but he saluted Squall anyway. He would help do his part to create the new Garden. It had given him such a wealth of knowledge and experience. He wanted to give other children that opportunity.

* * *

Seifer Almasy had arrived with the dawn crew. Landscaping was very satisfying to him; commanding huge dirty machines to create a new terrain. It was like playing God. Only, he had been at it for a while and was thinking it may have been time for his seventh-day rest.

"Hey guys, where can I find food?"

One of the crew stopped shoveling and pointed a finger at the main building. "I heard that the snack machines were being put in the dorms this afternoon. If not, the closest restaurant is fifteen miles from here."

Seifer nodded and wiped away his sweat. The people here didn't seem to care that he was Seifer Almasy. Even though it had been over five years since the Ultimecia battle, he would still occasionally get treated like a damned celebrity. They all wanted to know if he had been hypnotized or if he had gone willingly. They would ask to take his picture or even to sign something.

He had changed so much since then that he knew he disappointed some of them. He didn't insult people constantly, he had more patience, he didn't use his gunblade; he was a new Seifer. That wasn't what people wanted. They wanted the historical figure.

"Well, I need a drink. I'll be back." As crew lead, he didn't have to ask permission for a break.

Squall's garden was not the most attractive place. In fact, it was an eyesore, more of a factory than a school. There was something about it that pleased Seifer immensely. All Squall had done was save the universe, not like he deserved the best or anything. Cid was an idiot for treating the world's savior like a student.

The building was cooler than outside, but not by much. The air conditioning must not have been installed yet. The maintenance crew would handle it. Seifer didn't supervise them, which explained why the job hadn't been done yet, but the new garden's landscape would be done by the end of the day and done well.

"If I were a vending machine full of soda, where would I be?" he asked the empty foyer. He heard the tail end of his words echo sharply. The feeling of loneliness that poured through him was nothing new. It prompted him to ask, "If I was the world's biggest asshole where would I be?" The answer: right where he was, seemed to echo off the walls as "asshole" bounced off them. "Maybe I should go on anti-depressants."

It was at that moment that a dry patch formed in his throat. He coughed and coughed. His need for liquid was suddenly urgent. Okay, back at Balamb garden, they kept vending machines in the cafeteria and the dorms. Since he didn't know where the cafeteria was, he decided to investigate the dorms. He climbed inside the cargo elevator which had a cargo elevator stench.

* * *

Zell's task had gone fairly well. He had enjoyed the feel of controlling the mechanical power of the powerlifter again. He hadn't operated one since his summer job at the Balamb docks when he was fifteen. It was like riding a bicycle, just a ten-ton bicycle with the strength to pick up a car. It boosted his testosterone most pleasantly.

Now he had one vending machine and an empty dormitory hallway to put it in. He had worked from the fourth floor down, so that as he got more tired he'd have less distance to go. He hadn't counted on all the vending machine testing he had to do. This would be his fourth Bolt and he had energy to spare. He could wallpaper every dorm-room if Squall ordered him to.

During the one-floor descent, Zell adjusted his old gloves. Just like people, they were growing baggy in their old age. He always kept them as tight as the Velcro strips would allow.

When he looked up from his adjustments, he beheld the form of Seifer Almasy. Zell closed his eyes and opened them again. It really was Seifer!

"My hero!" cried Seifer raspily. His hands groped at the glass on the front of the machine. "Zell Dincht… midget hero of Balamb Garden, parch my thirst baby!"

Seifer's eyes glinted mischievously. He had expected to see some of his old acquaintances from Balamb, but seeing Zell still made him dizzy with excitement. It was surreal; the urge to laugh and joke that had been absent for so many years returned.

"A boyfriend and girlfriend are talking. The girl asks, "how do you spell pedophilia?" The boyfriend says, "Wow honey, that's an awfully big word for an eight-year old."

Zell blinked.

Seifer pretended to tap a microphone. "Is this thing on?"

Zell had thought Seifer had moved far far away and would never bother him again. The years of happy ignorance seeped away like sour milk chunking down the drain. Seifer was standing there tapping an imagined microphone.

Flinging himself against the bars of the powerlifter, Zell punched out an arm in an attempt to grab Seifer. Even pressed against the machine's metal, he was still a good foot away from Seifer's face. Nonetheless, Seifer's body flinched backwards not from the threat of a blow, but the unexpected fury and speed. "You fucking bastard! You couldn't just fucking die! Could you?!"

Seifer's jaw loosened allowing a surprised gasp to flee. He was shocked to see that Zell was unblocking the powerlifter's belts, preparing to assault him. Only now, moments away from a major thrashing from his childhood friend, did Seifer truly comprehend how desolate he was. Zell, the first love he'd ever known, his first kiss, his blond ball of energy, wanted him dead.

"Zell…wait." He held up his hands pathetically.

The fist flew anyway, fast as a straight-on baseball. The impact on his eye caused his whole head to crack backwards. A rush of pain quickly followed as blood rushed under his skin to the area. The formerly familiar rush of adrenaline also swam its way to his head.

"Did you say that when you fucking tortured Squall? How about launching missiles at Garden?" Zell lifted the vest he was wearing, revealing a deep abdominal scar. "How about when you took a gunblade to your ex-boyfriend.?"

Seifer let his head hang towards his chest. The pain in his damaged eye, parched throat, and breaking heart finished off any of the hope he still had about life. Why hadn't he committed suicide like he had contemplated so many times?

"I had hoped to Hyne that you were dead. That when Ultimecia went she took you with her!" Zell had had three years to contemplate all the destruction that Seifer Almasy had caused. Three years of staring at the ugly blade scar that had never healed properly. The hatred inside him was so intense. He wanted to just pummel Seifer until all the pain inside him transferred. He hadn't felt so impotent since… the last time he'd seen Seifer. He needed some fresh air, had to get the hell out of the elevator.

Seifer watched with one eye as Zell strapped himself into the powerlifter and used its remote to open the elevator door. He couldn't move or say anything. He had no right to ask for Zell's forgiveness. As the powerlifter stomped out of the elevator, Seifer let his body crash to the floor. As Zell stormed out on him, he sobbed quietly, certain that this was finally enough to break him. Now he truly was ready to die.

* * *

Outside, Zell took a deep breath of fresh air attempting to wash away the nausea that had risen up in him. He squatted down on the ground, pushing his head between his legs. His breathing was too fast; his heart was pounding and stomach churning.

"Fuck!" he pounded the grass with an angry fist. What the hell was Seifer thinking showing up at Squall's garden? He hadn't anticipated ever seeing that asshole again, hadn't been prepared to face the emotions involved with it either. All the times he'd been angry combined would not have reached even close to the overwhelming hatred he had felt in that elevator.

He lay on the grass as his mind raced for quite a while. His unfocused eyes scanned the blue sky. Eventually it began to quiet, his imagination making forms of the few white fluffy clouds.

Seifer had looked smaller, both thinner and shorter. Of course, he had been strapped into a giant walking forklift, but it was more than that. He'd looked so…vulnerable. He'd just had a punch in the eye, so maybe that contributed. Frankly he was lucky that it was all Zell had done to him.

And why hadn't Seifer fought back? Why had he just looked so defeated? It didn't matter to Zell if Seifer felt sorry for what he had done. He could apologize a thousand times and it wouldn't undo any of the crimes he had committed. But did Seifer feel sorry? - Surely not if he was just showing up at Garden. He didn't even have the respect to stay away from those whose lives he had tried to end. The more he pondered it, the more he wanted to know.

Zell bounced to his feet. He would just ask and if the answers were not what he wanted to hear, he was going to punch Seifer's other eye. Striding purposefully back into the main garden entrance, he returned to the elevator.

The doors were still open since it was an industrial elevator. He saw the form of Seifer as soon as he had turned down the hallway. He was crumpled into a fetal ball on the floor. Something twinged in Zell Dincht's heart at seeing Seifer like that. By the time he stepped into the elevator, the sounds of Seifer's soft crying had already reached his ears.

There were just too many surprises this day. Now he didn't quite know what to do with the ball of Seifer. Zell perched next to him. "Why did you come here?" he asked much more gently than he had originally planned. "Why here? Don't you know how everyone here feels about you?"

The crying grew louder. Seifer's face wasn't visible, wrapped up the way that he was. Zell waited patiently for an answer, but one did not come. Instead, Seifer howled, "I want to die." His body convulsed. "Leave me alone."

* * *

The shame at his reduced masculinity was only one element of Seifer's emotional pain. He was crying in a heap in an elevator with his ex hovering over him ready to punch him again. Now he was talking about suicide; he had become such a fucking wimp. Yet one more reason to hate himself. Once he found the strength to get out of this place, he would also find the strength to do himself in. His resolved hardened with every tear that dripped from his eyes. He hadn't even deserved to be alive the last three years. He had known that at the time, but had just kept on being Seifer Almasy. He had thrown himself into his work, which was the only way that he knew how to cope.

"Okay, I'm shocked to find you like this, but I fucking need to know. Why are you here? Hell, why didn't you kill yourself? Sweet Hyne, I figured you had!"

"I didn't want to give up. I kept telling myself…" Seifer snurfled back snot before continuing. "Oh I don't know, that if I punished myself enough that I could atone. That eventually everyone would move on. They seem to have forgotten me. I knew you wouldn't…" this last was said in a whisper. "I thought maybe you, if any of 'em, could forgive me."

He heard Zell sit on the floor next to him. "I'm the one with the most reason to hate you."

He had tried to feed Rinoa to an evil sorceress, had tortured Squall, and tried to nuke an entire school of orphans. They could all take their pick on what to hate him most for. They probably all felt that they had 'the most' reason to hate him. "You really think?"

Zell sighed. "They were never in love with you."

"We had been broken up for years before…" Seifer uncurled and sat up with his back against the wall. He was now side by side with Zell, but he was not making eye contact with him."Before I did what I did."

"That doesn't matter. I was still in love with you right up until you slashed me in the fucking chest."

Another throb of pain leapt through Seifer. If only he had known that at the time! God, they had been broken up for like four years when that happened.

"And a little after," confessed Zell. "Which is why I deserve to hate you more than others."

The two sat quietly thinking. "That hurt like hell," said Zell, breaking the silence. "I guess I always kind of thought we'd end up back together, you know?"

"Yeah I do know. We just seemed so well suited. I kinda of figured once we got past all that school politics crap that we would."

"You mean once _you_ got past all the school politics. I couldn't have cared less what crowd you were hanging with. You were the one that was always concerned with what people thought of you."

Seifer sighed. "There is some irony for you."

Zell chuckled softly. "Yeah, you sure fucked that one up."

"Oh, I think it's safe to say that I fucked absolutely everything up." The two smiled a bit, both staring out of the elevator.

The silence between them was strangely comfortable. Seifer could feel the heat from Zell, though he was likely a foot away, but he always did put off a lot of heat. His eye was too, pulsing a bit from Zell's punch. "My eye hurts."

Zell was the first to laugh at that comment. At first it was a little one, but it grew to where he felt a little hysterical. He felt more so when Seifer joined him and the two were soon wheezing for breath. For the first time since the punch, eye contact was made between them. An understanding that had been there since they were children glinted in the other's eyes. Zell always understood him, even when he didn't understand himself.

"I'm so sorry. I really fucked things up between us. I don't know why I chose Fuujin and Raijin over you. I guess I was just wanting new things. We had been so… joined at the hip since we were like five. That was no reason for me to just throw you away though. God, you must have felt terrible."

Zell nodded. "Yeah, it got better over time, until you started picking fights with me. You know, putting me down in public. Why did you do that?"

Seifer thought back to those days. He had just been so fucking insecure back then. Yes, that was why, partly. "It made me feel stronger. There were some times that I just wanted you around me so much, that pushing you away made me feel like I was tougher."

"That is retarded."

"Hell yes it is. You were the best part of my life."

Zell looked at him incredulously. Having never heard Seifer be so open about emotions, he didn't entirely trust it. "You're different."

"Yeah…" Seifer sighed. He was thinking about the crying on the floor thing. That was certainly nothing he would ever have thought he was capable of doing three years ago.

"I like it. You needed some humility."

"Oh, I'm humble now. That is for sure." The teasing tone of Zell's voice had warmed him, reminded him of better times. "I like your hair like that."

Zell's had let his hair grow out into a tight little braid in the back. It was more convenient for a fighter than just having it all in his face like it had been without gel. "I've made a lot of changes since you saw me last time." His eyes were sparkling a bit and Seifer knew without any doubt that he was referring to something naughty. Oh god help him, that was an aspect of Zell that he hadn't thought of in years. But now that the idea had entered into his mind, so many memories were flooding into his brain, he was overwhelmed.

There had been the first time in Ma Dincht's house in Balamb. In Zell's tiny little room upstairs, the two boys who had been having a sleepover, they discovered things about each other that they would never be able to forget. Puberty had barely started in them and kissing was all they had ever done. Lying beneath the covers with the warmth of Zell's hyperactive body next to him, Seifer had felt the desire to explore.

His lips had trailed down from Zell's familiar lips to his neck. Zell had gasped in surprise as Seifer had commenced kissing, touching, tonguing every part of him. The night was as warm as Zell's body and sweat had broken out over them. Even at such passionate moments of new discoveries, there had still been that ease between them. Both were open to the new pleasures that were being unraveled beneath Zell's cartoon-print sheets. By the time the sun had found them the next morning, they were bonded in way that the two had always known was unbreakable.

Unbreakable, that is, until one of them went power-hungry and decided to try and take over the world. No, even then they had held out hope. It wasn't until steel had crossed skin that hope flickered out like a candle to an open breeze.

"Hyne Zell, I was an idiot." Seifer turned his body so that he was sitting Indian-style in front of Zell.

"You were far worse than that. You were a sadistic, power-mad, villain. You tortured Squall! He is still afraid of electricity."

Seifer's eyes turned downward in his shame. "I know, I don't deserve to live. I think that every day."

Zell searched Seifer's face looking for sincerity. It was there. Seifer truly was repentant; Zell had not thought it possible. His arrogance had been broken. "I don't want you to die Seifer."

"You did…"

"I did. But I also didn't know that you were truly sorry."

Seifer brought his hands up to his face, covering his features. "You will never know how truly sorry I am. I wish I could go back and undo everything."

A hand brushed his and against his wishes, Seifer's body jerked back. He hadn't been touched in three years. It had startled him. His hands were away from his body now and his eyes were wide. Zell had touched him. Oh god, his Zell had touched him after all this time.

"There might be some who would forgive you." Zell had always had a tender heart and seeing Seifer truly sorry for what he had done, seeing him near suicide for all his shame, made him want to forgive Seifer. He wasn't there yet, but maybe someday he could.

Seifer's eyes softened and tears filled his eyes. Slowly, he reached towards the small blond. He wanted to give Zell ample time to pull away, but instead Zell reached forward for him.

Seifer wept in Zell, his first love's arms. He cried for all the lost time. He cried for the desolation he had felt for so long. He cried at the wonderful sensation of being held again. He cried at the feel of Zell's hand in his hair. This time he was unabashedly crying, not worried about his pride. He had no pride left. His pride had led him away from the ones that loved him and brought him to this. Now it was just this moment and all his regret. And the feel of Zell, so much like home.

* * *

Squall's lunch had gone exactly as planned, though it had taken him longer than expected. It was late afternoon by the time he returned to Esthar Garden, his garden. He was a bit light-headed from the events that had transpired, a slight grin was even poking up the corners of his mouth. Even the soreness that he felt in his flank was a pleasant reminder of his success.

Before getting out of the car, he made sure to check in his rear view mirror that all the makeup was off. There was a slight hint of eyeliner, but his eyelashes were so dark that wasn't noticeable. Still, he slid on the shades in his glove compartment. It would be best that Zell not find out about his extracurricular activities.

If Zell was even there, Squall hadn't given him a task that required many hours. He very well might have shuffled off back to the room that Laguna had loaned them while the Garden was under construction. Squall shivered delightedly.

Returning the corners of his mouth to the downward position that they belonged in, he got out of the car and walked up the slope to the Garden's main entrance.

"Zell!" he called. When he received no response, he headed to the one place where he always seemed able to find Zell: the cafeteria.

As he approached he heard Zell's voice. Yep, it never failed. Zell was always in the goddamn cafeteria. Even the fact that there was no food in yet wasn't stopping him.

"Well holy shit. It's the world's savior!" Squall frowned. He knew that voice and he recognized the mockery therein. Yes, sitting at one of the cafeteria benches was Seifer Almasy. It looked like he and Zell were just chatting over a lunch of vending machine snacks.

Seifer looked gaunt with red rimmed eyes, like an alcoholic. His face was illuminated both by the sun floating in the cafeteria window and by the emotion happiness. Squall crossed his arms in a look of great annoyance. "What are you doing here?"

"Well your highness, you hired me." Seifer smiled widely pointing to his worksuit. "Garden Landscapers."

Squall's expression was one of surprised horror, muted by his pure Squallness, but obvious nonetheless.

Zell spoke up then. "Seifer, you're being your old self again."

Instantly Seifer looked apologetic. He reached his hand across the table and grabbed Zell's. "Sorry. You're right. I do turn into a prick when I'm happy."

Zell nodded with a smile twinkling in his eyes. "Yeah mean, maybe it's time to say how you really feel to Squall."

There was a feeling of discomfort in the Squall then as if he was witnessing something that he shouldn't be. Despite the hate that Zell had seemed to hold in his heart for Seifer, it appeared that they had managed to patch things up. When Seifer stood up in his ridiculous green jumpsuit, Squall actually had to fight the urge to back up. There was still a little fear in him of the tall, imposing man.

Seifer did look very different from his nightmares. He didn't seem as tall and he sure was thin. Defeating him in combat had been therapeutic for Squall, but it couldn't completely wipe out the fear that memories of Seifer torturing him brought on.

They stood facing each other, feet apart. Seifer's eyes seemed to be softer. Squall didn't know what to do. He watched with shock as Seifer kneeled down in front of him. "What?" Now he did place one foot behind himself as if to escape this odd and demeaning behavior.

"Squall, I am so sorry. I have no excuses." Seifer's head hung down limply with shame. He wanted to convey to Squall just how guilty he felt. Still, there was a part of him that was thrilling from reconnecting with Zell and he was having trouble capturing his desperation from earlier.

Luckily, Squall seemed not to notice in his embarrassment. His face pinkened. "Get up…" he said through gritted teeth.

"Do you forgive me?"

"Fuck. Just get up Seifer." Then when Seifer didn't rise, he practically shouted, "Yes. I forgive you."

Hardly able to contain his happiness, Seifer jumped up off his knees and wrapped his arms around Squall. Immediately he was shoved off with incredible force. He landed hard on his ass. Zell was by his side seconds later. "You're an idiot."

"Always have been, always will be." He grinned at the two Seeds. "Well, I'd better gather up my crew and get out of here. Not that I don't appreciate all the affection being lavished on me by Squall here."

Seifer pulled Zell aside by the wrist and looked into his eyes. Deciding that Squall was still to close and could hear him even if he whispered, he asked, "Squall man, can I get a moment?"

With a _pff _sound, Squall left the two alone in the cafeteria. The sun was directly even with the cafeteria window and shining into Zell's squinting eyes. He stepped in between the light and Zell to shade them. With a hand still on his ex's wrist, Seifer attempted to express his gratitude. "Thank you… for giving me another chance."

Zell looked up at the handsome man with the light shining a halo over his blond hair. Memories of adolescent stolen kisses and boyhood misadventures sprung to his mind. This Seifer looked so weathered and beaten, but somewhere in there was the Seifer that he had fallen in love with, the one that had existed before the knave who had injured him. "You're welcome. Don't fucking let me down."

With a teasing grin, Seifer released him and left to round up his crew and go home. He waved goodbye as he left the cafeteria. Zell stared out at the windows long enough to watch the sun touch the earth. He heard Squall come in and then leave again, realizing that Zell needed more time. As the sun dipped down the horizon and night began to fall, he wished a thousand wishes. Finally walking out to the car on sore legs, he felt a warm summer breeze run through the wisps of hair that had come out of the braid.


End file.
